It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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