some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
