thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
