I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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