Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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