i think i have herpe
just one?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
