Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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