i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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