Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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