is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
