The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
