she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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