you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
