i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
