Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
