We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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