i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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