Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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