Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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