Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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