the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
