Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you had me at cake vodka
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize