The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
