It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
