I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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