Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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