Where did you get a picture of my penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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