I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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