Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
