How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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