Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
