Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
