May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize