can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
