it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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