cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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