I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
