Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
