Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
