My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
