Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize