she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
