a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
