I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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