the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
