So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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