We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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