I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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