i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
