I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
