Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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