Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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