The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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