How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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