I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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