I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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