we made out on top of his cat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
