just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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