His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
