I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
