A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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