no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize