fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
